Reaving Las Vegas
April 25th, 2011

A fatigued Polly has asked me to compose the mainpage blurb for SockMakePeopleSexy's latest update. This is a responsibility I always take very seriously and put excruciating care into making sure everything gose well. Today we'll be taking a much-belated look at Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver, the second entry in Crystal Dynamics' ill-starred adventure game franchise. It's probably the best unfinished but still commercially-released game you'll ever play, and has quite the interesting story behind it.

And when you're done reading, you should probably take a few hours to play Rhete's Hunters: Relic of Stars, a recently-minted (and totally finished!) tribute to the old-school action game.

That about wraps it up. If you have a moment, please visit Polly on Twitter and offer your sympathies and insomnia cures. (Just don't suggest that she hold her breath until she turns blue in the face and passes out. We already tried that. Polly didn't get any sleep, and I had to get fifteen stitches along my collarbone. Don't ask.)

Until next time!


-PollyPlayedByPatToday

Weekend Questing
April 23rd, 2011

Welp, here it is, time for another boring weekend. While you're sitting on your ass doing nothing but stuffing Cadbury eggs down your gullet and playing way too many stupid videogames, I'll be working a thirty-hour work weekend. I hope you're fucking proud of yourself, you gigantic lazy-ass lazy ass.

Oh, oh, OHHHHH and I know what else you'll probably be doing too. You'll be talking with all your stupid little friends on your LifeJournals and your MyPlaces about that VanorOrion guy and that fancy DS review he did for Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies. Yeah, you go on ahead and do that and don't give even a passing thought to those of us who make your lives easier and I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore.

These sedatives are really weird sometimes.


-PollyQuest

IMMORTAL TUESDAY!
April 19th, 2011

Ya know, the original title for today's mainpage entry was going to have to do with boobs too, since the content I'm releasing today has copious amounts of them, but then I realized that Mortal Kombat is releasing today and went that direction. Say what you will, but I'm happy on some level to see people genuinely excited for a new Mortal Kombat game again. It's a bit nostalgic, I guess. Can't wait to play the full thing and render a verdict in the future.

Moving on to today's content, and the second reason for the punny title, we're going back to everyone's favorite JAPANESE CARTOON LAND with a hot-off-the-presses review for Xebec's Rin: Daughters of Mnemosyne Japanese Cartoon about immortals, blood, and sex. Seems a fitting update for such a day, now that I think about it!

So, enjoy your Kombat and boobs!


-Pollyisanimmortalkombatant

This Update Is Nothing But Boobs
April 14th, 2011

Therefore, it's surely set to be the GRANDEST UPDATE EVER! With all those nasty FTP problems out of the way, and Rhete no longer hogging the frontpage all to himself (fatty fatty!), it's time we get things going again with a couple of perky new updates all up in your face!

Up first, sunburstbasser is back from space. And you know what happens when you leave a man in space too long with only some lasers and alien scum to blast. He starts to get a little loopy in the head without human contact...specifically FEMALE contact. I guess that's why when he got back he fired up Gals Panic S2 for a few days and wrote a review about it. What's Gals Panic, you ask? Well, I can assure you, I'm as pure and innocent as they come, so I wouldn't have any idea, but if you truck on over there, I'm sure ol sbb's got the skinny on it for you.

And, just as I promised today, up next we have two more gigantic boobs! Of course, I can only be referring to Fat Kakashi and decoy octopus. They wanna WELCOME YOU BACK with the tenth installment of their Secret of Mana 2 Tag Team Let's Play! I mean hey, it's Thursday, what the fuck else you got to do that's so important? See? That's what I thought, so get yourself on over there for some manboob lovin'!

Couple more updates in the pipeline, they'll be up sooooon!


-Pollylikesboobs

Hunting To The End of the World!
April 11th, 2011

What more do I have to say...

Welcome to the grand finale! Hope you've got a good ninety minutes to burn and your heart medication ready. The stunning finale to Hunters: Relic of Stars pulls out all the stops and pulls no punches. The biggest challenges the game has to offer lie ahead, and only those with the sharpest of reflexes are going to make it out alive. Play it now and find out what a real ending climax is!

And after you're done with that, why not head on over and check out our full review of the game? If you do, I promise I won't let Beepner take all your daughters to the prom.

Happy Hunting!


-Pollysurvivedthefinale

Hunting To The Stars!
April 8th, 2011

Space Adventurers needn't dilly-dally when the fate of the world is at stake! No, no, they hop right into action and do what they do best: SHOOT THINGS!

Hunters: Relic of Stars Stage 5 is officially here, so you've no reason to be sitting there all slack-jawed and moron-like (you know, your normal posture) reading my garbage. THERE'S AWESOME GAME TO PLAY AND YOU SHOULD BE PLAYING IT!

GO! GO! GO NOW!


-Pollyfoundthebigstage4secretdidyou?

Hunting To The Depths!
April 6th, 2011

I just know that itchy little trigger finger of yours is just-a-cravin' some more hardcore platform shooty action, so it's a good thing Rhete's got that all taken care of for you!

Hunters continues its journey with Carina's biggest and most daunting challenges yet! Are dangerous jungles, secret bases, and the murky depths of the ocean enough to keep everybody's favorite pink-haired ponytailed space adventurer down? That all depends on your skill. You DO have skill, don't you? You'd better hope so! HIT IT UP AND ENJOY THE RIDE!

And yes, because people have asked, these updates will continue until the game is fully-released. Normal updates will resume after the finale's (Stage 6) debut.


-Pollytothecenteroftheearth

Look Ma, I'm Hunting!
April 4th, 2011

Hope you're in the mood for some more Flash Game With Substance, because that's what we got today!

The adventure just keeps going, the plot thickens, and the gameplay still delights! Only a tardmo hasn't enjoyed their piece of Hunters Pie yet, so don't be a tardmo, okay?


-Pollystillhuntan

v2.0
April 2nd, 2011

Sigh...what is it with me doing a site redesign every year and every time I get sued? Look, I can't go over the specifics, but it really bums me the crap out that all of Rhete and D-Mac's hard work gets thrown away like that. Anyway, if you missed it, you can check out their speldid take on SMPS.Net's future here. This'll just be our little secret, okay?

Something I can't keep secret however, is the release of a great game!

Stage Two kicks the action into high gear as Carina's adventure leads her on a high speed chase and exploring the depths of a mysterious arctic environment! Needless to say, this is one cool stage! HAHA! SEE WHAT I'M DOING THERE? Anyway, it's the weekend! Go play it!


-Pollyain'tnoAprilfool