Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers
by Polly

Are you ready? Are you sitting down? Do you have your pants off? Do you have a tree, a nice field of grass, and someone in the room close to you so you can hump thier leg? No? What the fuck are you waiting for? GO NOW! PREPARE! Because that inner-furry that dwells deep inside of you is about to completely consume you. By the end of this review, you'll be yiffing the fucking coffee table so hard you'll break it in two just to get your rocks off to this classic Disney game. That's right...I said Disney game. Hardcore!

I've always been weary of licensed games. Even back when I was eight to ten years old, I just KNEW that if someone released a game based on one of my favorite television shows it'd suck massive amounts of donkey penis. Luckily during the NES days (and ONLY during the NES days) there were two companies who could do licensed games and actually turn out some good products. Konami and Capcom. Their licensed games were good because there was actual gameplay under the hood. It wasn't all just a big shitty advertisement. Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers was an old after-school cartoon I watched quite regularly in my youth. I didn't know they'd released a game based on the show until I was at a neighbor's house and saw the cartridge laying on a table. Since there was a lot of commotion, and a lot of people were around, I just ganked it and ran back to my house. Oh come on, I snuck it back in and returned it almost four months later.

Rescue Rangers is a colorful little platformer, much like everything else released at the time by Capcom. It fits in line with pretty much all of Capcom's Disney games like DuckTales and Darkwing Duck. Yes, I am a fucking fruit, shut the fuck up.

Graphics are very bright and kiddie friendly. Most of the sprites in the game bear a very close resemblance to their cartoon counterparts, with some mis-colors here and there, mostly just due to the NES' palette limitations. All stages have their own appropriate theme and look well thought out featuring their own sets of unique enemies as well.

Sound rushes in to aid the kiddie graphics with some nice and bouncy kiddie music. The annoying kind of happy music that will get stuck in your head because it's evil and obnoxiously catchy. Sound effects fit the game's upbeat nature. They're often cute and don't really get in the way, so they're alright and do their job.

Gameplay is straight platforming for the most part. In all stages you'd better be prepared to be picking up boxes and hurling them a lot. Because there's a shit load of them. Throwing boxes, bombs, and fruit at your enemies is the only way to dispose of them. And that's really all you'll be doing the whole time. It's repetitive, but it's done right. The difficulty has a really gentle ramp upward. It's very friendly in the opening stages, and begins testing your skills in new ways with each level you complete. It's even a bit open ended as you have access to all the stages from a map screen and you can take different routes at times to avoid stages you may not want to play at all. All stages have their own boss enemy at the end. Some are more impressive than others, but they all involve the same technique which is a bit disappointing. You're put in one room with your enemy, who usually only has one or two attacks, and you're given a red ball to throw at them. That's pretty much it, and it unbalances things a bit making for stages that are sometimes difficult, fitted with a really weak boss at the end. It doesn't kill the game in any way, but it does take away from the experience in my opinion. You just don't feel a pay-off for accomplishing something big when you down a boss. And that's something I always enjoy in videogames.

So, now that you're all dressed up in your ridiculous looking fursuits, getting ready to take off for that furcon taking place in Decoy's basement, I'll close by saying that this game is pretty damn slick. It made pretty good use of a decent license and casual platformer/action junkie gamers might be happy with this one in their collections. Those who do enjoy it might also want to check out DuckTales as well.

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