Ikari Warriors
by LoTR_Dan

Anybody who has played a King of Fighters game knows Ralf Jones and Clark Steel. Of course, this doesn't mean much because most people "DON'T" play KOF, except for 2D fighting fanatics and The Japanese. Which is a shame, 'cause they are some pretty damn good games.

However, this is not a review of King of Fighters. No, this is a review of one of the lesser known SNK games, Ikari Warriors. No, I have no idea what Ikari means, probably some sort of Japanese thing. It stars Ralf and Clark, or as I called them Red Guy and Blue Guy, who crash land in hostile territory and have to kill everyone on their way to safety, or something. I don't really know. SNK put them into King of Fighters in 1994 which I thought was the coolest thing ever.

You see, I loved the Ikari Warriors. I played it non-stop, driving my parents crazy with the single tune that played over and over. It simply blew my mind. You fought so many guys, and you got to drive tanks and fly helicopters! And if you died, I was SO cool, 'cause I knew the cheat code that let you continue when you died. Just hit ABBA and you would come back to life. How awesome is that? It was simply the best game ever. Sure Mario was cool, but I'd rather shoot a guy than just jump on 'em.

I recently dug my NES out of storage, 'cause I'm too cool to use emulators, and stuck in the Ikari Warriors cartridge and was ready to be hit with a wave of joyful nostalgia and killing.

Oh man, was I disappointed.

This is a really crappy game. Young Daniel had his mind blown by this game, but Old, Jaded Daniel was bored to death by it. Red Guy moves incredibly slowly through the stages, while your enemies seem to run all over the place. The stages are ridiculously long, and get boring incredibly quickly. The tank and helicopter are fragile as heck, and really don't provide any more firepower, just a slightly bigger target.

Not to mention that you die ALL THE TIME in this game. Your tiny little pea shooter is useless, and you can move at all to avoid enemy fire. Thank God for the ABBA code, or the game would be impossible. With it, it's just frustrating and boring.

I had so many fond memories of playing this game. Now those memories have been completely shattered. Thank you Socksmakepeoplesexy.net! You inspired me to relive my childhood and ended up depressing me for about a week.


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