by Polly

This is Clark Kent.

This is Superman.

This is the anime Statue of Liberty.
(Bet you fucking Japanophile shits are just EATING THAT KAWAII SHIT UP AREN'T YOU? I HOPE YOU DIE!)

Do I even need to say anymore? I do? Well fuck on a shit stick...

The game runs at a staggering 12FPS and STILL HAS SLOWDOWN! It might go without saying that the game is hardly playable. Hit detection is so bad, I can initiate the punch animation and literally sometimes hit enemies that are all the way across the screen. Don't worry, they can do the same thing to you. Performing your punch attack in mid-air multiple times will keep you "stuck" in the air for as long as you press the button. You can use this technique to easily glide past any enemies that may be in your way and over to the next screen.

In short, I've played better games on Action 52 for NES that played better than this steaming pile of whale shit. I don't even know why they fucking even bothered. I'd have taken more screenshots, but it'd have taken too much fucking effort. I'd have completed the first mission but the fucking game crashed. I'd have FUCK SHIT ASS COCK DAMN BITCHING FUCKPUKE!!!!!!!111

This game isn't even "so bad it's good." It's just a game that'll make you feel like you've fucking commited a crime against all that is gaming just for playing. This game came out in 1988, when only a year later Sunsoft's incredibly amazing Batman: The Game was released. You can't fucking tell me that there's no way they could have done something really awesome with the Superman license if Batman got such an amazing game.

There. Fuck off. I hate you Kemco. Suck my fucking dick.


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