Yep, This Is The Climax. Sorry.
December 31st, 2006

Blabbermouth wrote another review. This time for one of them there .hack// games that I won't bother trying to type the full name of because I'm sure I'd fuck it up somehow. Go read it then go to his forum and PM him to tell him how much of a [REDACTED] he is for liking .hack//.

Oh wow that's the end of another year! Imagine that!

So what's goin' on with this site in 2007? Well, I've been going on and on about a re-design for a while and it will happen come hell or high water this year. Oh, and the site won't go down for hiatus. NOT EVEN ONCE! I also have an ambition for myself to move beyond reviewing things and expanding the articles or random sections of the site a bit, but that depends on how inspired I get. I got a few ideas, but we'll see. I'd like to update on a more consistent basis as well, but we'll see. And guest contributors, keep sending me your shit so it looks like I'm actually doing something here!

Happy New Year, [REDACTED]mos.


-Polly2006

Having Toadies Rocks
December 23rd, 2006

Toadie #415873, or as some of you have come to know him as, The Hutch picks up a piece of work that I forgot to take care of (read: Was entirely too fucking lazy to finish) from a few months back and delivers a review of Hitman: Blood Money. It's grape flavored and easy to digest.

MR BUCKET!


-Pollydidn'tdonothin

EAT THE PRESIDENT
December 23rd, 2006

Man, the front page is a little too full of the ol' Square lately... and I guess that ain't changing today either!

Because Pitchfork mentioned that it may be a bit of a let-down, I tracked down a PERFECTLY LEGAL COPY of the Japanese version of Final Fantasy VI Advance and decided to give it an ol' test-drive prior to its release here.

After having played it for about five hours now (and likely no more) I have to say I'm not too worried now. It seems they went all out in making sure they could get the game as close to the SNES original as they could, right down to the correct menu sounds and that familiar mosiac'ing of the screen when you choose something you shouldn't. The graphics seem a touch brighter than the SNES original and for the most part haven't changed and the music is probably as spot on as the GBA could muster. I can't really tell much of a difference in some tunes other than the lack of the SNES' odd native reverb taking a bit of sheen off a few of the tunes here and there. About the only tune I think that got butchered was the normal battle theme. Everything else sounds okay so far. Can't wait to see what they do with the opera scene though.

There's an odd bit of slowdown here and there during fights as some of the spell effects seem a bit much for the aging portable, but it's nowhere NEAR annoying as it was on the Final Fantasy Anthology.

After my brief stint with the game in moon language, I can say it'll be great to have some FFVI on the go. Definitely something to look forward to next year.


-Pollyownsw00tz0rslikethelittlebitchheis

ERAU QSSI DRLO WEHT
December 14th, 2006

I was once a Square-tard... and to an extent, I still am.

It started with the original Final Fantasy back in 1990 or so and I didn't once question the mighty Squaresoft ONCE before purchasing any of their games after that.

Final Fantasy II was among one of my first SNES games, and Mystic Quest shortly thereafter. I had 2,874 nerdgasms with Secret of Mana and I also don't see why people nag on about how Secret of Evermore was a bad game. I was there day one for Final Fantasy III and I worked a 6 week summer job picking up garbage in the streets JUST so I could have the money to pick up Chrono Trigger on its release date. I bought a PSX STRICTLY FOR Final Fantasy VII and Final Fantasy Tactics and was there launch day to blow an entire wad of cash and get my little [REDACTED]gy pre-order shirt. I even skipped school for the releases of Parasite Eve, Einhander, Xenogears, Final Fantasy Anthology, Final Fantasy VIII and Vagrant Story. I have an unopened and factory sealed copy of Chrono Trigger still laying around JUST BECAUSE!

God, what a little fangirl this Polly was. Little did I know that only about six months later, my entire world that was Square would come tumbling down. The hit after hit machine I'd grown used to had turned into a repugnant puke sprinkler system gushing in the faces of every gamer that'd so much as even thought about playing an RPG, drenching their bodies in the a rancid coat of mediocre gaming experience...And puke...because I hope you're eating right now.

And that's my life story! How about you?

Anyway, there's a new review up for the latest installment of Square's re-hash fest on the portables, Final Fantasy V Advance.

What's that smell?


-Pollyissquare

FREEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMUUUHH!!
December 13th, 2006

What the fuck is a titty stick, anyway?

So, Kazlo stopped by earlier and hand delivered a brand spankin' new review of Freedom Fighters for PC. You shoulda seen it. Kaz was wearing the prettiest pink and white dress you've ever seen! Thigh-high fishnet stockings and pretty little pink pumps, hair done up in little pigtails with little pink ribbons. This, of course, attracted the attention of Peaches, who rushed by and quickly applied from-behind chloroform hug and that was the end of that. That was some pretty slick Agent 47 shit there. I never knew Peaches had it in him. I'm kinda proud!

While Kazlo's current whereabouts are unknown, all that was left behind was the tidying up of my Links page a bit, fixing some dead links and updating some others.

Somebody find Kazlo :(


-PollysetKazloup

Joy And Axes
December 7th, 2006

THERE'S ANOTHER UPDATE! How fucking long has it been since this site did consecutive updates of any kind? FOREVER, THAT'S HOW FUCKING LONG!

Peaches surprises everybody with his knowledge of obscure and cult'ish NES games and finally gains the acceptance he's always wanted for the past two years as he takes a dive into the Crystal Mines. I've only had the review sitting in my inbox since October 2nd! I'm one INCREDIBLY LAZY FUCK, HUH?

In other non-site-updatey news, word of a couple sequels happened across my internets this week.

You all remember NanoStray, yeah? Ya know, that somewhat okay shooter for DS that managed to blow it with unneeded touch screen capability? Well, I caught wind that it's getting a sequel! Now, even though I wasn't all that impressed with the first one, I'm actually kinda glad to see that the series is going to continue. I'm really kinda surprised that the first one did well enough to warrant a sequel, but hey, whatever. More shooters for me!

If the screenshots are any idication (and they never fucking are), this one looks like it's shaping up to be something pretty neat. What makes me happy, is that so far, the HUD on the bottom screen doesn't appear to have any unnecessary touch screen capability. The bottom screen also looks kinda generic and pasted on too, so they're still likely to try and sneak some TOUCH ME bullshit in there somewhere, though I'm praying that either they don't or give us the option to not use it. I'd also like to see the game to progress in a linear fashion just like any other shooter, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

Hopefully they can manage to do something cool with it.

And our last bit of news for the day, is that we finally have confirmation of a second season of Higurashi no Naku Koro ni! I'd ramble on and on about how I enjoy show and visual novels' characters and story, and how I've actually imported merchandise from the franchise, but anime is for [REDACTED]s! So, I'll just say...

HELL'S FUCKING YES ON AN AWESOME TITTY STICK! Check out Rena's awesome helmet of hair! Doesn't that shit rock? Rena makes everything fucking better!

See?

The front page just got 20x better!

I AM FINISHED WRITING NOW!


-Pollyprobablyhasaproblem

IT'S A REAL FUCKING UPDATE!!!
December 6th, 2006

No, really! Check this shit out! It's a REAL FUCKING UPDATE!

Ya see, I was bored n' stuff, and decided to write up a review I wanted to back in the day when we were all homies, drinkin' 40s on the street corner, sellin' rock just to make it by in this tough ghetto world, and Peaches was the neighborhood slut sucking cock for fatty hentai pic printouts because we didn't have the internet in the 'hood. Damn it feel good to be a gangsta...

Oh shit, wait...where the fuck...OH YEAH!

So, I did a review of NEW Super Mario Bros. for the DS. I had originally planned to review and post it after I got the game and beat it, but I'm a lazy fuck. Y'all know this.

But that's about it for now. I'll be posting a review by Peaches sometime later in the week as well. Good for Peaches!


-Pollyreallydidupdate

And It Rained All Night
December 5th, 2006

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! It's December already! How 'bout THAT shit!?


-Pollydecember