Antarctic Adventure
by Fallout



This is the most awesomely retarded game in the history of retarded games. Its so stupid and pointless that its fun to play. The entire game appears to be that you are a penguin and you are running around antarctica trying to get to the different research stations before time runs out. But trying to stop you are holes, holes that throw fish at you, and holes with fucking lame ass douche bag Seals that like to pop out and get in your way. Fucking seals. They will ruin your day. You're just running around at an insanely fast speed for even a snowmobile, much less a penguin. I think he takes steroids or something. Or hes on crack. Either way hes a fast motherfucker. But back to the asshole seals. Youll be running along and then BAM a big brown turd with a big shit eating grin pops up and knocks your ass over.

Sound. The sound basically consits of 4 different beeps. The jump beep, the I hit something beep, the I fell down something beep, and the I picked up a flag beep. Thats it. Penguins don't beep Konami. Watch the Discovery Channel sometime. They don't. The BG music is quite catchy and sounds similar to the underwater music from Super Mario Brothers. At the end of every level/race/journey you are rewarded with the national anthem for whoevers station that is. I think. I keep getting Australia's over and over. Maybe thats determined on your time, I don't know its just a friggin ROM.

Graphics aren't all that amazing. In fact, Im pretty sure that you could get similar performance from an Atari. Still, there is no slowdown and it moves pretty smoothly. The animation isnt too choppy either, although the seals popping through the holes is pretty rough.

Gameplay is awesome in such a simplistic kindergarten way. You just steer the penguin left and right and jump. Thats it. You also control his speed though, and top speed isn't always the best choice. It gets to where the holes are right after each other and going top speed doesnt give you enough to time avoid one and then avoid the others, while slowing down does. Its really all common sense. It takes quick thinking later on, or else your penguin runs out of time and is left to be eaten by a Polar Bear that migrated south because its retarded. You don't see this happen of course but you know its what occurs. Its the only logical answer. It also turns out that the Penguin in this is from Parodius, a side scrolling shooter where you get the Vic Viper, this Penguin, an octopus, and some other schmuck as playable characters. Konami fucking RULES.


Overall:






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