Senkir! He Can Really Move! Senkir! He's Got An Attitude!
June 24th, 2005

Senkir is the coolest motherfucker in the world. Well, maybe the 5th or 6th (read: 429th), but he's still up there no doubt. He did an awesome fanart for an old project I worked on and it's just too fucking cool to not share.

Click the image to see the large, full version.



If you don't feel the awesome that is this picture, I hate you and want you to die.


-Pollyfanart


I Come Bearing The Free
June 23rd, 2005

Actually, this was passed to me by Kjil a couple days ago. It's a FREE point and click adventure game set in an anime-looking sci-fi world. It might not take too long to finish, and in order to see the movies in it you'll need to install DivX (XviD doesn't seem to work for everybody).

The White Chamber

An enjoyable way to waste an afternoon.

PS:
If you're gonna get Psychonauts, only get it for XBORX. The PS2 version which was just released Tuesday plays like dog shit and has a frame rate that barely tops 20 in wide-open areas and plummets to 12-15 in populated ones. The game also randomly freezes for a few seconds and starts back up again in places making it almost unplayable. So skip it, and just go with the XBORX version.


-Pollychamber


Confession Time
June 19th, 2005

Know who my hero is?

Steve Ballmer


-Pollydeveloper


Buy It Now, Ya Fucks!
June 14th, 2005


Season 3 starts tonight at 10:00pm on Comedy Central, ya fuckos. Watch it too.


-Polly911


We Got Some Fresh Update Here!
June 13th, 2005

New Review Here.


I don't think it's working! :O



-Pollyroutine


I TOLD EVERYONE BUT THEY NEVER LISTENED!!!
June 12th, 2005


I TOLD EVERYONE VANILLA ICE STARRED IN HIS OWN VIDEOGAME! BUT THEY DIDN'T BELIEVE ME!!! GUESS WHO'S LAUGHING NOOOOOW OH GOD HOW DO I TURN THIS CAps lock of-oh there we go.


Walking with authority. TOO COLD, TOO COLD!


-Pollypollybaby


Hey Sonic Team...FUCK YOU!
June 11th, 2005

Remember all that happy, shiny, positive stuff I was saying about Phantasy Star Online and Sega/Sonic Team in the past month or so? Well FUCK THAT SHIT! Fuck it right in the ear until it bleeds and dies, and revive it with a Moon Atomizer, and rip out its left eye, then skull fuck it right through its brains, because they're so full of shit now it's absolutely fucking intolerable.

For FIVE YEARS, I've put up with Sega's incompetence. I've put up with their shitty translations, their shitty customer support, their shitty relationship and communication with their gaming communities, and I've given them my shitty fucking money. Well no fucking more. They fucking blew it, and anyone that's going to pay for Phantasy Star Online: Blue Burst from day one, I will strongly caution you not to do so.

The beta for PSO: BB has been relatively limited. For over a month, players were confined to only play Episode I only up to Hard Mode. That's fine, and I was okay with that. I stopped playing once Kjil and I had finished up Falzy on Hard. I saw no reason to complain, since it wasn't a product I was paying for.

Monday, PSO: BB goes "live." Now when a game goes "live" I bet, like me, you think, "Hey! Full game time! Time to jump into harder difficulties and new content." Well, Sega's come along with a big fat blue hedgehog cock and hammered the word "live" into a new and almost unrecognizable form.

When PSO: BB goes "live" Monday, you get... Episode II. That's fucking it. Oh and they added word wrap! WORD FUCKING WRAP! WORD UP MOTHERFUCKING HOMIE BITCHES!!! Remember that "full game" you played on the GameCube and XBORX? Is that what you were expecting to play? You know, full range of difficulties, Challenge Mode, Battle Mode..."FUCK THAT SHIT," says the Sega. You don't get SHIT!

You get Episode II on Normal and Hard mode. Oh, and did I mention that you get to PAY now? That's right, you get to pay full price ($8.99 a month) for a game that features about 1/3 of the content of the original.

Sega is calling it a "Two Week Trial" before they go adding extra content. Well here's the fucking problem with that numb nuts. I'D BE FUCKING PAYING NOW! IF I'M PAYING FOR SOMETHING YOU CAN BET YOUR FUCKING ASS IT BETTER NOT HAVE THE WORD "TRIAL" IN IT! That's what the fucking BETA was for, you dipshits.

Now, granted, I'd already decided to not pay for the final due to reasons, reasons, and some reasons. But if I HAD decided to, I'd have said fuck it anyway knowing this. This is just NOT fair to the people who were ready to support Sega full on with this game. You don't take peoples' money and then call it a trial. You don't PROMISE A FULL FUCKING GAME AT THE END OF BETA, and then only give them 1/4 of the content promised. It's no fucking wonder why Sega went under. I tried like hell to support them for the longest time, but I'm really at the end of any kind of love I had for them. It's gross incompetence and it's just fucking wrong and stupid.


-Pollyhate


NES Week: Final Day
June 10th, 2005

Socksmakepeoplesexy.Net Presents...

AN NES GAME YOU SHOULD PLAY IF YOU WANT TO FINALLY GROW SOME HAIR ON YOUR NUTS

And that does it for NES week. I got some more content planned, but I'm not sure when it'll surface. I don't wanna burn myself out or anything. One article I wanna do is a definite, and I want to do some more current-gen reviews, but need to replace my PCI TV-Wonder first. So when that gets sorted, expect some more content to flood in.

But yeah. Thanks for tuning in, hope you enjoyed it. I had fun doing it, and providing content so consistently. Maybe I'll do it again sometime. But probably not, because I fucking hate you.

Kjilly won the war.


-Polly@-|):D


NES Week: Day Four
June 9th, 2005

Socksmakepeoplesexy.Net Presents...

AN NES GAME YOU SHOULD PLAY IF YOU WANT TO STAB YOURSELF IN THE CROTCH OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER

Saitek J62 P2500 Rumble Force Pad
I've played with my fair share of PC gamepads and can't say I've had one that ever outshined my very first Microsoft Sidewinder (old gray 6-button dealie.) That changed today. I got my hands on (HAHAHAHA OH GOD SO CLEVER) a new Saitek P2500 and it's damn smooth. For a mere $22, I was expecting a pretty shoddy controller, but this damn thing rocks. The D-Pad is wonderful. It rocks in its little seat so nicely and provides the most precision I've ever felt in a D-Pad for a PC controller. All the buttons on the pad are easy to press and don't require a lot of force and they snap back into place quickly without any "Sticky button" moments. Both analog sticks are smoove like fucking butter. I dare say they're better than any console analog stick I've played with.

I have two minor gripes with this pad, however. The first being that there are only two shoulder buttons. Not a real big deal to me since I don't emulate PSX stuff anymore, but I DO like having the feeling of 4 buttons there. Also, the shoulder buttons are just ginormous and feel awkward to press in for some reason. My second gripe is that you can't have both digital control and analog control on at the same time. That's just a really stupid limitation if you ask me. I don't see why it'd be so hard to just have both at all times instead of having to toggle it on a button. And the Shift button can't be used for anyting BUT that unless you don't install the drivers. But if you don't install the drivers, you get no digital control at all.

Overall, if you're looking for a nice cheap gamepad for your PC, this is the way I'd go. It's got a couple minor problems, but overall I think it's better than the Sidewinder I used for so many years.

Overall:



-Pollyisincontrol


BWUH?
June 9th, 2005




-Kjillyhax


NES Week: Day Three
June 8th, 2005

Socksmakepeoplesexy.Net Presents...

AN NES GAME YOU SHOULD PLAY IF YOU WANT TO FEEL LIKE YOU'VE COMMITTED A CRIME AGAINST ALL THAT IS GAMING AFTERWARD

Today's bonus material is some cool shit straight out of my childhood to pre-teen years. Those familliar with the Nicktoon Doug will love this as much as I do, and thanks to me you can now sing along! Now all we need are some DVD releases of the old Nickelodeon Doug. You know...Good Doug. Not that shitty Disney bullshit.

I'm thinking sometime I might take all these little special Flashes and extra files I do for the front page and put them in their own section of the site if I ever get un-lazy enough to do it. But don't hold your breath. Actually...go ahead. Hold your breath for a long time. And don't stop holding it. Just keep doing it. That light headed feeling is a good sign. Just keep going a little more till you're past that.


-Pollymayonnaise


NES Week: Day Two
June 7th, 2005

Socksmakepeoplesexy.Net Presents...

AN NES GAME YOU SHOULD PLAY IF YOU'RE A FLEDGLING FURRY

I don't know why, but for some reason I always find myself craving Circus Peanuts every three or four months. The God damn things are absolutely horrible, but I always pick up a bag every now and then and eat around on them for a week or so. I'm the same way with candy corn, only more so. Everyone I know seems to hate the shit, but I love it! I don't know why. And I don't know why I even mentioned it.







-Pollycandy


NES Week: Day One
June 6th, 2005

Socksmakepeoplesexy.Net Presents...

AN NES GAME YOU SHOULD PLAY IF YOU WANT TO PLAY A GAME THAT IS FAR BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL, BUT DOESN'T GET ANY LOVE AT ALL

Welcome to NES week, folks. I hope you enjoy it. Check back every day this week for a new review.


-Pollydayone


BAM MOTHERFUCKER!
June 4th, 2005




-PollyHIYAAAAAAA!!!!11


NES Week
June 1st, 2005

Next week I'll be taking a look at five classic NES games in a five-part, five review event entitled NES Week. The theme is "An NES Game You Should Play If..." followed by something witty (read: Stupid). The reviews will be posted Monday through Friday. Just a head's up to keep an eye out for that. If you don't, I'll understand. I hate doing this shit just as much as you hate reading it.


-PollyNES




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