The Pizza Burger™
by The Hutch

While I was at work, one otherwise ordinary day, I realized that my life was incomplete. There was something missing; a chasm; a void. My eyes, seeing but not comprehending, scanned the lunch room table absently. As if by fate, and certainly by accident, it was revealed to me. What I had been missing all along.

I will put in a disclaimer here, before we continue. Do not read this editorial if you are sensitive to awesome things, if you are pre-disposed to heart conditions, or if you're kind of a jerk.

On this now sacred table, was a menu from a pizzeria and a burger-ia, stacked in such a way that, to amazingly only me, seemed to scream out the ultimate delight. My eyes lit up, my heart began to pound, and I already felt my arteries clog. This was my purpose, my destiny.

The Pizza Burger.

Now, I know what you are saying aloud to yourself, "Stop being a dumb fuck. There already exists a cheeseburger pizza." To which I respond, "Silly, ignorant thing. Shut up and let me finish."

The Pizza Burger™ is a meal like no other. It is difficult to describe in any non-celestial language, the best I can do is merely create an image of the concept.

First, take a regular hamburger.

On one side of the burger, where lies one half of the bun, replace that half of the bun with a slice of pizza.

On the other side of the burger, where lies the other half of the bun, replace that half of the bun with another slice of pizza.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is The Pizza Burger™.


Author's rendition of The Pizza Burger™


Now, while I cannot possibly fathom all the chaotic possibilities of my actionless thoughts, I do understand many of the ramifications of this food industry shattering idea. This could become America's favourite dish. This could end world hunger. This could cure diabetes, anorexia, bulimia, salmonella, H1N1. This is like ginger wrapped around cranberries.

The Pizza Burger™. Just saying it makes you hungry for three.



Of course, I cannot possibly hope to keep this idea for myself. No sir, not while publishing on this grim internet we live in. I do not wish for praise, or even recognition, but simply for my idea to go forth and flower. I want each and every one of you to do your part, spread the word and pizza sauce world wide. The time for change is now. The name of change is...

The Pizza Burger™

The Pizza Burger, indeed. God bless you...








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